Breaking The News Recording, Drygate, Glasgow. Thursday 3rd July 2025

Host: Des Clarke

Panellists:

Daliso Chaponda

Jay Lafferty

Tiff Stevenson

Stuart Mitchell

When your wife asks, before you leave, "Are you wearing that jacket?" it's essential to listen to the subtext. She's not disparaging the garment; she's questioning its appropriateness. I didn't listen, though. Even when she recommended an alternative. I thought, 'this one's smart; it'll do.'

I arrived at Drygate ten minutes before the doors opened. The queue was already beyond the gates, though not quite as far as the street. I didn't have a long wait, but my assigned number to get into the show was 096, so I couldn't secure a seat inside while we waited (they allocate the ticket numbers an hour before letting us into the show recording). It was dry but windy, so I sat outside at one of the benches and ate my roll and bacon with potato scone, and drank a can of Irn Bru. It was a table for one as my wife had called off with a respiratory infection.

This week's audience question was inspired by the film 'Jaws' turning fifty. It asked, "What was the movie that changed your life and why?" 

One response: 'After watching the film Trainspotting, I now avoid public toilets in Edinburgh.' I can't remember the others.

 

I didn't find this week's show hilarious. Although it wasn't as warm as last time, I found myself closing my eyes and not listening intently. This was partly due to my poor view, as I was unable to see Daliso on the far left unless I leaned forward. With topics such as the Labour Welfare bill and DJT's Big Beautiful Bill, many of the comedians' replies were serious about the potential damage these bills could cause. Several of the jokes fell flat, and others were groan-worthy. One interesting fact: Daliso's dad might end up as the next President of Malawi. 

Jay unintentionally managed to get a question right. When asked, "What do 43% of Americans think bacon is...",  she replied vegan. The correct answer was "a plant". She confessed she'd only been joking. Stuart chipped in, "Isn't that what you're supposed to do on a comedy panel show?" Big laugh from the audience.

Stuart Mitchell came up with the best line of the day in response to Tiff Stevenson discussing her haunted breasts. She claimed they were 'supernatural'. Stuart quipped, "Surely if your breasts are haunted, wouldn't they be called 'BOO-bs'? 

After the show, I made a quick exit, only to find it was raining. That's what my wife had been inferring when she mentioned my jacket. She knew rain was coming. Anyway, the shower turned into a 'shower of bastards' as I walked along Duke Street. The fenced-off bus shelter felt like a personal attack. 

Only for wheelbarrows and cement.

By the time I reached George Square, my waterproof jacket was more a "proof of water jacket", with rain sliding down inside my sleeves and rising through the pockets. My Gore-Tex trainers couldn't cope either. I was soaked through as I reached home. I pity the fool who used my train seat next. They might have thought I'd pissed myself. 

Not sweaty feet

It's July. The schools are off. Of course, it's going to rain. Welcome back. We didn't miss you. 

Ticket price: Free.