Mike Wokniak "The Bench", Citizens Theatre, Glasgow. Saturday 21st March 2026

So what do Yare Dabestanie Man by Fareydoon Foroughi, Which Side Are You On by The Almanac Singers, Ой, у лузі червона калина by гурт Ятрань, Sukiyaki by Kyu Sakamoto, La paloma de la paz by Chicho Sachez Ferlosio, Żeby Polska była Polską by Jan Pietrzak, E Depois Do Adeus by Paulo de Carvalho, St'armata! by Petros Pandis and 99 Luftballons by Nena all have in common?

You would know if you attended Mike Wozniak's show, though you might not have realised the answer at the time, unless, like me, you have an ear for the unusual (or a handy Shazam app). 

Mike arrives on stage dressed in his usual brown suit and immediately asks if there are any amateur (or professional) sleuths in the audience. He needs our help to solve a mystery over who burnt down his village's memorial bench. 

The list of pertinent characters is massive (practically everyone in the village gets a mention), though he tends to go around the houses, as it were, detailing the obscure minutiae of their relevance in case it helps. The level of detail gets so deep, it almost becomes tangential.  The humour comes from the most unexpected and surreal of places, such as (insert name), whose husband died in Namibia, from stubbing his toe... on a leopard. 

Having provided his evidence on the matter, the show's second half is much looser, as he asks the audience to shout out further questions, freewheeling in response, batting away our suspicions, and explaining why every culprit has an alibi 'to the max'.

I particularly enjoyed his explanation as to why he couldn't be the culprit. As secretary of the village's Northern Ireland Troubles Reenactment Society, he was appearing as Gerry Adams on the night in question at a secret meeting originally held in 1962.   

The ending is a delight as he casually drops the answer without realising it. 

And so the case remains unsolved.  

(Thankfully, there was no repeat of the seating fiasco that we'd witnessed at Mark Simmons. This time, the ushers scanned every ticket electronically as we entered to take our seats)

(The refurbished Citizens Theatre does not skimp on the lecky when it comes to auditorium lighting. They have so many bright light bulbs, you need sunglasses to look up).  

Ticket Price: 2 x £24.50 + Booking fee: £1.50  = Total: £50.50, direct from the Citizens Theatre website. 

BBC "Breaking The News" Recording, GICF Special, Drygate, Glasgow. Thursday 19th March, 2026

Host: Des Clarke

Panellists:
Raymond Mearns

Alexandra Haddow

Madeleine Brettingham
Ignacio Lopez

Audience Question: 

What is the biggest lie you've ever told, and why?

Topics:

Trump is demanding support from the Allies to protect the Strait of Hormuz

Inverness has been nominated for City of Culture 2029

Friends of the show: 

Phil Goodlad - Weather apps ruin attendance at Edinburgh Zoo - "just wear a jaiket". 

Nicola Meighan - Babies have learned deception before their first birthday. "Babies are liars".

Mystery Persons

Angela Rayner - warning that Labour is running out of time to make significant change.

Barbie - about the exhibition coming to Glasgow in the summer.

Final Quickfire round - 48% of workers say they want what?"

Klaxon - Martin Guissler "Shepherds Pie, cottage pie, what's the difference?"

On the way in, on the train, the youth sitting opposite snorted so often, as soon as the approaching platform message was announced, my wife made for the door, not even waiting for the train to stop. His disgusting behaviour was making her feel sick.

Ignacio's Spanish accent is so smooth.

Ticket Price: Free from BBC Tours and Shows. 

Mark Simmons "Jest to Impress", The Citizens Theatre, Glasgow. Wednesday 18th March, 2026

My first visit to the Citz since it reopened. I was unsure where to park and how heavy the traffic would be, so my wife agreed to let us leave early. How serendipitous that was. The street I usually park in on that side of town was closed due to roadworks. As we drove about, I somehow managed to find my way to the theatre's car park, which still had spaces. I snagged one spot, and within seconds every other space was filled, as if someone was finishing off a jigsaw. I watched one car fly round the car park to catch the last space near the entrance, only for another car to sweep in, turn right and snatch it from them. I thought there might be some argy-bargy, but no. Fortunately, another car drove off, leaving the disappointed party contented. 

Inside, the theatre looked gloriously modern, albeit with a few of the old touches, like the golden elephant-headed pillars. 

Although we were early, the cafe was already full, so we waited near the entrance to the performance space until the doors opened. The ticket scanners couldn't have been working, because we were allowed in after a cursory inspection of our printout, even though he was holding the relevant device.

We were among the first to take our seats, but it didn't take long for trouble to occur. As the place filled up, a dispute occurred over seating and rather than establish whose tickets were genuine, the usher offered the standing party different seats. Unfortunately, this only exacerbated the problem when those ticket holders arrived to find someone in their seats. He moved them too, and so on and so on. Then, a couple of minutes before the advertised showtime, a large couple arrived to find their seats taken, and they refused to accept alternative seats. They demanded to be seated in the seats they had chosen. A standoff occurred. The usher had to summon the duty manager, but given the extent of the problem and the limited time available, she struggled to get to the bottom of it and gave up after investigating the first three seat relocations. Fortunately, the lads in the large couple's seats agreed to be relocated again. The question remains: why didn't the usher summon the duty manager in the first place?

Ah, the irony of this picture.

The support act was Mark's mate and podcast buddy, Danny Ward. Danny's humour is described as being "observational, upbeat and well-honed; his easy-going style is both endearing and very funny". What I observed tonight was neither endearing nor funny. In the room, the only laughter appeared to come from those programmed to laugh, Pavlovian style, at any post-punchline pause. His jokes are well-honed, but to the point where the humour has been pared away. His material was weak, and his delivery felt mechanical. I did not enjoy him.

Interval snacks - Guinness and ice cream:
Well, it is the Gorbals on St Patrick's Day.

Mark's stage set includes a storage box (for his clipboard, notebooks, and a glass bowl filled with folded papers), a coatstand (bare), and a flipchart listing his set topics. 

Fortunately, Mark knows how to craft and deliver a joke down to the nth degree. He'd also cleverly structured the show to avoid one-liner overload, introducing elements like Mind Reading and Magic between topics. Inevitably, these bits were setups for more jokes. 

His longest joke involved recording the ages of most of the front two rows, then apologising for how long it took. "Sorry about that. Took ages." (wiggles eyebrows).

At the start of the show, he wore a tuxedo. Over the course of the evening, he took off his jacket, then his bowtie, swapped his brogues for trainers, his trousers for jogging bottoms and removed his shirt, revealing a vest, which he covered with a hoodie. I anticipated a punchline along the lines of "Got to jog off now. That's the end of the show." Then he'd turn back and say, "Did you like the running gag?" What he actually did was far cleverer. 

Mark is a master of funny. Shame it hasn't rubbed off on his support act.    

Ticket Price: £48.00 (for two tickets, includes a booking fee (£2) and venue fee (£2) per ticket) from SEE Tickets

better joy "At Dusk, UK & IE Tour 2026", King Tut's Wah Wah Hut, Glasgow. Monday 16th March, 2026

Where do you go when a mate is in town, and you can't decide between a film or a comedy show? You head to King Tut's, obviously. 

A week ago, I was completely unaware of this musical artist. Thanks to my Amazon Music subscription (other streamers are available), I was able to listen to her small back catalogue and make an educated decision over whether to check her out live. My mate did the same, using Spotify.

We both decided yes.  

Someone loves playing with their fonts

Support act Mel Raeburn performed a thirty-minute set with her guitarist. She's infectiously exuberant, her voice is sweet like caramel, and with stronger songs, she could be very good. I liked her enough to film her cover of Rihanna's Love on the Brain (not a song I was familiar with). The rest of her set was original material.

Love on the Brain.

Next up was better joy. 

If I were to compare the two singers, I'd say Mel is like your first school crush, and Bria is the girl you long to meet in your twenties. She's fun, gorgeous, talented and going places. One cheeky glance from those eyes and your heart goes all aflutter (or at my age, it may trigger a cardiac event). It was a pleasure to be in her company, albeit for only an hour (that might be misconstrued - I meant musically). 

better joy - promo shot

The band had just flown in from Austin, where they had been performing at the SXSW Festival. The last time they played a headline gig in Glasgow, it was at the Garage Attic to about forty people. Tonight, King Tut's, while not sold out, was certainly packed. The crowd was most appreciative and covered a wide age range, from schoolkids to retirees like myself.

When you hear them play, you can understand why Bastille and Amy Macdonald approached Bria to be their tour support. This girl is developing into a fine artist. She's currently working on her debut album. We were treated to a raw version of a new song and were politely asked to put our cameras away. She had a few issues with her throat, sipping honey and lemon and coughing a bit, but it didn't affect her singing voice too much. Perhaps the odd note she took in a different direction.  

After the show, she made her way quickly to the merch stall to meet her fans. The queue was so big that the staff had to ask people to move as they were blocking the stairs. We didn't wait, much as I'd love to meet her and get some merch signed. 

Thank you to the man at the barrier who let me snap a photo of his setlist. You are a gentleman.

Setlist

this part of town

Situations

Big Thief

plugged in

couldn't run forever

quiet thing

steamroller

So Long

Wahooo

what a day

carnival

I'm There

waiting on time

Dead Plants

So long

Dead Plants

Ticket Price:  2 x £12.50 & Service Fee £2.50 & eTickets £0.00 = Total £27.50 from TicketWeb.

Photos

Mel Raeburn

better joy

 

Bridget Christie "Jacket Potato Pizza Tour", Theatre Royal, Glasgow. Sunday 15h March, 2026

A bonus gig after we decided to bring forward Mother's Day for our respective parents. Despite the late purchase, we still managed to snag tickets for the middle of the Dress Circle.

No support act, just Bridget performing both Acts. At 54, she is thriving as a single divorcee, enjoying life, looking amazing in her black jeans, white t-shirt and showbiz leather jacket, complete with sleeve tassels. I couldn't see any reason why Stewart Lee wouldn't want to be with her, even with her kidney stones. Listening to her perform, it's easy to hear the distinct rhythm they share in their comedy. 

In the first section, she had a good bit on imagining being friends with Melania Trump, taking her phone call and having to guess what her husband had done this time to upset her. Acting out the bit where an ex of hers requested she go cross-eyed to help him get off during intercourse was also hilarious, though the audience got so far ahead of her that she refused to say the punchline. The long-winded story from the friend who doesn't remember specifics and gets distracted by tangents finished the first act (which lasted thirty minutes, not twenty, as billed).

The broad audience demographic surprised me, everything from teens to pensioners, with no one group dominating. I put this down to the Taskmaster effect, with her appearing in series 13 of the show (2022). 

The second half was amusing but not as funny, starting with a bit about the date who made her a dinner of a dry pizza base topped by a dry jacket potato, moving on to the gender politics of the Netflix series Adolescence (she's allowed to do Stephen Graham's accent because they laughed in Liverpool at it), then the risks of a menopausal woman having sex with an anotomically male robot in a specialised brothel in Amsterdam, to misconstruing a medical diagnosis requiring vigorous intercourse to dislodge her too-risky-for-ultrasound-treatment kidney stones.

She tied up the ending nicely with a surprise callback from the first act, though it felt like a bit of a cheat the way she dropped it in to finish. 

She made us laugh, but she wasn't roll-in-the-aisles funny. The show might have worked better in a smaller performance space, where it was easier to watch her facial expressions sell the comedy.   

Ticket Price: £27.70 x 2 & £3.95 transaction fee = £59.35 from ATG

Sara Pascoe, "I Am A Strange Gloop" Tour, Pavilion Theatre, Glasgow. Saturday 7th March, 2026

Sara loves her husband, but... he's very tall, like a whole foot taller than her. He wears size 13 shoes and leaves them on the floor like a trip hazard. If he puts two items of his clothes into the laundry basket, it becomes full, and they don't make bigger ones. She's checked. He's also blind to dirty towels. Fresh ones he can locate, no problem, but used ones can lie on the floor for weeks if she doesn't clean up after him. She tried it. She's thinking it would be better for him to get another wife. Not a replacement. An extra one. To share all the duties. 

She loves her kids, of course she does, but sometimes she doesn't. She is a late mother, having her first one via IVF in her forties. They are currently two and four and have turned her into a constant wiper. Every meal gets flung everywhere. She finds discarded baked beans in every crevice of her kitchen.

Her husband once did a helpful thing and used a tool to remove them all, but didn't do what any woman would do: throw them away. No, he sought credit for his accomplishment and left them for her in a small jar beside the sink. She thought he'd left her a lovely present of some peanuts and only realised they weren't after she popped them in her mouth. As she realised they weren't peanuts, she noticed the empty crevices, but swallowed them anyway because that would be one less thing to clean up. 

She decries how women will put poison in their face to avoid looking older, explaining she's done the research and found other horrendous examples, such as how scientists have sewn an old mouse to a young mouse, joining their blood systems and found the older mouse lived longer. Another example was an oddball billionaire who injects himself with his son's blood to extend his life. Now that gentleman only celebrates his birthday every nineteen months because of how much longer he thinks he's going to live. Sara, on the other hand, has started smoking again, so she now holds her birthday party every eight months.    

Sarah was fantastic tonight. No support act, just two 45-minute sets. Even the recycled material about loving Take That when she was sixteen was given a fresh spin in light of her current circumstances. (She had more screentime in the crowd scenes outside The Big Breakfast house than she did on Last One Laughing).

Our seats were in the fourth row of the stalls, but I never felt uncomfortable. Sara is not that kind of comedian. Pausing for crowdwork is not her style. She relies on the rhythm of her words to carry the comedy along. Indeed, latecomers and unexpected laughter distracted her, throwing her off her material. You could see her replaying the set in her head until she found the rhythm to jump back in.  

I asked my wife if she found any of Sara's material triggering (the husband scenarios sounded painfully familiar - I still don't know how to use our new washing machine, and I'm not allowed to touch the iron in case I break it). She laughed ruefully. She's also not buying into the idea of taking on an extra wife, though. Our super king-size bed may be comfortably big enough to sleep three, but she's not falling for that. She'd end up having to do all the work there, too.   

Ticket Price: £31 x 2 plus £3.95 Service Fee = £65.95 from Trafalgar Tickets

Blurb

Have you ever been awake in the middle of the night and thought something so smart and astute that you couldn’t wait for the world to wake up so you could tell them?

THIS SHOW IS THAT THOUGHT.

In that it doesn’t make much sense and is a bit weird on reflection.

Sara Pascoe is a comedian and her children don’t sleep and her kitchen won’t clean itself and her husband “doesn’t want to be in it”.

As seen and heard on Taskmaster, Live at the Apollo, The Great British Sewing Bee, QI, 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown, Mock the Week and co-host of Sara & Cariad’s Weirdos Book Club podcast.

Age restriction: 14+ (strong language)

An Evening With David Byrne - Who is the Sky Tour, SEC Armadillo, Glasgow. Friday 6th March, 2026.

And so begins my second night of being entertained by a grey-haired Scottish pensioner, albeit one with a more prolific musical pedigree. I had deliberately avoided seeking out any information about the show, bar looking up the setlist. I had not expected so many Talking Heads numbers, so I had to expand my listening beyond his recent album.

Preshow birdsong

I'm not a Talking Heads aficionado, nor have I followed David's solo career closely, but I was aware of the acclaim for his previous tour, which is why my interest was piqued for this one. 

There was no support act, with the show due to begin at 8 pm. I arrived early, finding the auditorium sparse, though not empty. Birdsong, rather than music, played over the PA (except available on the short video above - DO NOT expect anything to happen). 

The stage is equally bare. A moonscape dominates the floor and the lower section of the semicircular wall, which blocks off the back of the stage. The wall has two gaps and appears to be covered with black drapes, though the lads who later sit beside me debate whether they are screens or curtains. I use my phone camera to zoom in and decide curtains. They decide the moonscape is a projection. 

The show is a complete sellout, so by 8 pm, most people are already in their seats. A message over the PA warns us to 'be present and to limit our phone and video use during the performance for the benefit of those around us. Dancing, however, is allowed, except in the aisles, due to Fire Safety regulations.' This elicits a cheer from the crowd. My view of the right side of the stage is hindered by the tall chap sitting in front, so it's clear I'm not going to be able to film the show anyway. I settle in to take in the experience.

It then occurs to me that there are no instruments or equipment present anywhere. Is everything hidden behind the walls? Would they lift away to reveal a band?

A Glaswegian voice cries out from the Rear Circle, seeking out the location of his mates. They, it turns out, are a few rows in front of me. They shout back, mocking him for trying to find them in the wrong section. The skinny man then makes his way down the steps, focusing all his attention on not spilling the four full pints he is carrying in the square cardboard drinks holder. At his row, everyone stands up to allow him access. Halfway along, he stumbles, yelling an expletive in alarm as the drinks tumble. However, thanks to the quick action of the person he had reached, who grabbed two tumbling pints, disaster was averted. The grateful drinker proceeded to his seat with most of his purchases intact. 

The lights dim. The show begins. 

David and his dozen-strong ensemble flow through the gaps in the wall and adopt their starting positions. They all wear the same blue suits that David wears, even down to the shoes. It becomes clear that the flooring is also a giant screen. The drapes that I believed covered the walls turned out to be images of drapes. Every visible inch of the stage is a screen, used to wonderful effect. It feels like a mini version of the Las Vegas Sphere, though only within the stage. Very clever. 

The musicians carry and play their instruments like a marching band, only with more intricate choreography. This has all been carefully thought out. The backing dancers are also the backing singers. The effect is mesmerising. The sound is full and rich, and I'm in 'Heaven'. 

During one song, the musicians' names appear on the walls, mapping their locations as they move about the stage. The names also appear on the floor beside the white circles, which follow their paths. I can't tell if AI is being used to monitor this or if everything has been precisely choreographed.

For another song, David walks across the stage, his silhouette within a moving spotlight on the wall. When he changes direction, the silhouette doesn't, eliciting a laugh from the crowd as the shadow tries to catch up with him. Again, all very clever.    

David's song introductions weren't always as exacting. He knew what he wanted to say, but when the crowd shouted out, it interrupted his flow. I found the crowd equally distracting. During his less well-known numbers, punters often exited to head to the bar, causing everyone in their row to rise. The same would happen again upon their return. I wish the venue would shut the bars during the performance and insist the staff limit ingress and egress to between songs. If the intention is to be present, I want to experience the show, not the punters needing a piss or a pint.

Anyway, the show itself was an extraordinary experience. As soon as it was over, I was on the internet, looking up ATG, Ticketmaster and Twickets to see if I could get tickets for the Playhouse shows - unfortunately, they were all completely sold out.

Another Scottish pensioner at the top of his game.

Setlist

Heaven (Talking Heads song)

Everybody Laughs

And She Was (Talking Heads song)

Strange Overtones (Brian Eno & David Byrne cover)

Houses in Motion (Talking Heads song)

T Shirt

(Nothing but) Flowers (Talking Heads song)

This Must Be the Place (Naive Melody) (Talking Heads song)

What Is the Reason for It?

Like Humans Do

When We Are Singing

Independence Day

Slippery People (Talking Heads song)

I Met the Buddha at a Downtown Party

My Apartment Is My Friend

Air (Talking Heads song)

Psycho Killer (Talking Heads song)

Life During Wartime (Talking Heads song)

Once in a Lifetime (Talking Heads song)

Encore:

Everybody's Coming to My House

Burning Down the House (Talking Heads song)

Ticket Price: £85.00 + Facility Charge £2.50 + Service Fee £11.50 + Handling Fee £2.50 = Total £101.50 from Ticketmaster

Some photos I cribbed from the internet: 

A few poor ones of my own: