"Will the recycling be put out on the right day? Who is going to smooth over the top of the margarine? How many lights are on upstairs when everybody is downstairs? Watch Jon pretend that these aren't his foremost concerns as he leaves home on his first tour since the last one."
This was a late purchase when I realised the gig had an 8pm start, so I could make it despite being a work day. As such, my wife and I ended up in different rows in the stalls. But it was worth it. It was brilliant. A laugh fest from beginning to end.
From the moment he took to the stage (no support act), dressed unusually for him in a suit (with yellow lapels), I knew this was a different Jon. This was a confident Jon, excited to be playing the King's Theatre, Glasgow. With one hour and forty minutes of honed material, he threw out set pieces like they were confetti (in-joke). He opened by wishing happy birthday to a member of the audience whose wife had tweeted him, then proceeded to rinse her with his in-depth knowledge of her social media accounts. Another tweeter in the second row who claimed she wanted to marry him was also addressed, questioning how her boyfriend, Sean, who wasn't present, felt about this. The highlight of the first half was the discussion of his childhood climbing rope discovery and the condition it aroused.
The second half began with him in full biker gear, riding onto the stage on his mean machine (a kiddie electric motorbike). He then shared insights into his married life and how he initially didn't understand how opposites attract until he met his wife. He finished on a personal story about anal itching, which for him reflected personal growth.
The only bit that didn't work was his intention to sing a song at the very end. He expected us to stop him. We didn't so he had to stop himself before the outro music kicked in. He'd overrun by seven minutes so the house lights came up rather sharply as soon as he left the stage.
When I returned home, I realised I still had this in my pocket:
Which isn't a heroin foil, but came from this:
Which, in turn, came from this:
Which, despite being five days after their best-before date, still have to be eaten, otherwise Jon would not be amused at me adding to the planet's food wastage.
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