Brian Bilston and Henry Normal, Mackintosh Queen's Cross, Glasgow. Wednesday 10th April, 2024

 

Something a little bit different tonight - Poetry.

I'd seen Henry Normal perform his poetry/stand-up back in the day (later, he formed Baby Cow Productions with Steve Coogan, where he remained as CEO until 2016), but Brian Bilston only came to my attention when posts of his clever poetry started appearing on my Facebook feed. 

I took the day off because the venue, the Mackintosh Queen's Cross, was in a part of Glasgow I wasn't overly familiar with. We left early (very early - 6pm for 7.30 pm doors open), driving through horrendously bad wet road conditions. My satnav confused me by asking me to drive in the opposite direction to the one I expected so it had to reset a number of times due to my belligerence. We still arrived forty-five minutes early. My wife was furious as she'd skipped her post-dinner coffee, thinking we would be late. I maintained the mantra, "But it's UNRESERVED SEATING".

We sat in the car, windscreen wipers clearing away the rain, aircon fighting the steam issuing from my wife's temper, as we waited to see if a queue formed outside the venue. I then noticed people disappearing down the side of the building. My wife remarked they'd been doing that for ages, so we made our way across, getting soaked by the gusts of rain.    

On the main door, a notice indicated to use the side lane. I fretted about how long the queue would be and hoped there was some sort of cover if we were left standing outside.

My worries were unfounded. There was no queue. Instead, inside the back hall, which had been set up as a hybrid waiting area, bar and bookshop, lots of people gathered, waiting for the main doors to open. Henry Normal was at the Waterstones bookstall, chatting to fans and signing books. I didn't know what Brian looked like, but there wasn't anyone else signing, so I figured he was elsewhere. 

Every so often, the crowd would surge to the door only to be told by the staff that the queue that had formed was actually for the toilets. After complaints about the lack of space inside, the venue staff opened the venue doors early, allowing me a moment of smugness for having the foresight to arrive before the advertised time. My wife was still not amused. 

We sat in the second row of pews on the left. Essentially a converted church, the venue had some lovely Mackintosh motifs in its furniture and architecture. Speakers had been set up on either side of the chancel with a microphone and table in the centre. I guessed it was inappropriate for them to perform their comedic work from the pulpit.    

Brian was fantastic. Having written and memorised a humorous script and armed with a raft of wonderfully witty poems, he gave a nuanced performance in which every tightening of the eyes, lip wobble, and momentary hesitation drew a laugh. Superb!

Then came the interval, scheduled to last twenty minutes. This turned out not to be long enough to accommodate all the women needing to use the ladies toilet. At one point, the queue extended back into the Nave. Adding another ten minutes to the break still wasn't long enough, as I noticed a number of women scurrying back to their pews after Henry had begun. Had they been served diuretics at the bar? Or had Brian made them laugh so hard that they needed to replace their Tena pads? I never found out. 

I felt Henry's set was less polished than Brian's. While his poetry was clever and covered a wide range of styles, from funny to childish to political to moving, his performance felt blustery, scrappy even, not just when he dropped his printed sheets onto the floor after use. He's a seasoned performer, and I felt he relied on this experience to get him through his set. Brian was word-perfect, while Henry had less polish.

I didn't take any pictures of either performance. I'd like to say this was to maintain Brian's personal online anonymity, but it didn't feel appropriate to take snaps. I didn't wait to buy an autographed book afterwards. There was a bit of a queue, and I wanted to get home.

The drive back was a nightmare. It was dark, I was unfamiliar with the roads, and the satnav appeared to be in a huff, telling me to 'Turn Now' just after I'd driven past the junction. Then, it took me down roads that were blocked to motor traffic, allowing 'Bicycles Only'. At one point, I nearly crashed into a queue of stationary cars as I tried to figure out where my next turn would be on the screen map, the emergency stop nearly giving my wife whiplash.  

I eventually turned off the satnav on Queen Margaret Drive. She wanted to direct me back to the City Centre, and I thought it would be quicker to use the Clyde Tunnel. Maybe she knew something that I didn't because the chaos didn't stop. I encountered a cyclist riding without lights, a pedestrian hurrying across a crossing in the style of Groucho Marx as if that would protect him from the impact of my bonnet, and then a neighbour reversed out of his driveway directly into my path. 

My wife is still bealing with me due to that early departure. 

I wouldn't rate the view from this box seat

Ticket Price: £22.50 (plus £3.03 booking fee per ticket plus £1.50 transaction fee) from See Tickets.

Blurb

Brian Bilston and Henry Normal appear together for the first time in a show which one critic has described as ‘two people reading some poems’.

Along the way, they will be drawing on their vast catalogue of crowd favourites – and throwing in new poems, to prevent becoming their own tribute bands.

Not ones to overpromise, Brian and Henry are prepared to commit to delivering the greatest poetry show in the history of the world: an evening of poems to be enjoyed, not endured.

Brian Bilston has been described as the Banksy of poetry and Twitter’s unofficial Poet Laureate. With over 200,000 followers on social media, Brian has become truly beloved by the online community.

Henry Normal is a writer, poet, TV and film producer, founder of the Manchester Poetry Festival (now the Literature Festival) and co-founder of the Nottingham Poetry Festival.

Recommended age: 14+. Please note that this performance contains some swearing and light sexual references.

Duration: approx. 2 hours 20 mins (incl. interval)