Ria Lina is Going on Tour (WIP), The Flying Duck, Glasgow. Wednesday 19th March 2025

 

I'd never been to The Flying Duck before. It seemed quite a few others hadn't either. I arrived early (quelle surprise) and wandered up Renfield Street all the way to the top and still couldn't spot the venue. I expected there to be some sort of sign outside, but there was none. Where my phone indicated the venue should be, there was only a locked double door. 

From the outside, it looked like the kind of place a Glasgow gangster would run his criminal empire: heavy doors, no windows and no means of access without getting buzzed in, with a security camera monitoring the exterior. I wandered around the block to check if there was another entrance but ended up back in the same place. Then I spotted the number above the door and the GICF poster, so I figured it just wasn't open yet. I waited.

Ria arrived, and I said Hi. She looked like she wasn't sure where the venue was either, so I confirmed she was in the right place. I think she thought I worked there. I pressed the buzzer for the security man to let her in. This is the first time I've spoken to a 'star' and not been tongue-tied.

A few more people arrived, again looking for the venue, phones in hand. Some went away to grab a drink elsewhere, and some joined me to form a queue. The bouncer popped out for a fag and let us know the door would probably open five minutes later than billed to give the team more time to set up downstairs.

I sat in the third row

When we got inside and headed down to the basement, the venue had been set up with seats in front of a low stage, ten seats per row split by an aisle down the middle. The place filled up quickly but was freezing. Ria kept on her tour sweatshirt because she was so cold. She had her notes with her and referred to them occasionally. It felt like an early work in progress because she spent a while setting up who she was for those who didn't know and didn't get through all her material by the end. 

The show's theme will be her version of feminism, empowering women to be the best they can be. She's still working out how to do it without losing half her audience (the males). 

Her bit that Joseph (a typical male) had not planned ahead when his wife was due to give birth had me thinking about the counterpoint. 

Perhaps Joseph resented that God had taken his wife's virginity, knocking her up in the process. After all, God, being omniscient, would have known she was ovulating, so the pregnancy wasn't an accident. We didn't read in the bible about any sheep's bladder splitting that night.  

For nine months, Joseph stewed over this unwanted pregnancy. The wooden coathangers he carved proved ineffective, so he hoped a lengthy donkey journey to Bethlehem might be enough to induce a miscarriage. He had no intention of registering three names on the census. When they arrived safely, he arranged for her to go through labour in an unsanitary barn without a midwife and prayed for complications. Big mistake on his part. God, being the dutiful father, was present in spirit to ensure nothing bad happened. He even arranged a bloody great star in the sky to ensure there were witnesses in case Joseph decided to drop the baby on its head. At least Joseph got some nice presents afterwards from the three wise men. Being the stepdad to the Son of God had some perks.

Ria was a delight tonight (and much funnier than I am). She'll be taking the show to Edinburgh for the whole Fringe, so by the time she returns to The Stand in Glasgow next year, it will be perfected.

Ticket Price: £12 plus booking fee £1.20 per ticket

Total £13.20 from SEE Tickets 

GICF Blurb

Following her killer debut tour, Riawakening, the wickedly funny Ria Lina returns with a riotous Work in Progress before she hits the road again in Autumn 2025. Expect a relentless stream of hilarity as Ria explores the eternal battle of the sexes, the delight in throwing life up in the air after years of following the rules, and the art of radical indifference. Much loved in the industry, this multi-award winner commands the stage with a whirlwind of energy and leaves audiences breathless with laughter.

Her extensive list of credits includes Live At The Apollo, Have I Got News For You?, Mock the Week, cohosting Pointless, Lovestruck High, Richard Osman’s House of Games, The Last Leg and Celebrity Mastermind.