I drove on the night, so obviously we arrived early. The doors were due to open at 7 pm, but they're never on time at The Stand. While we waited in the bar with our drinks, a short, skinny man in shorts and an American football shirt approached us. He wanted us to read the word on his shirt, printed in cursive. With a nervous giggle, he told us it stood for See You Next Tuesday (but spelt phonetically). I pointed out that some people might take offence at that word, particularly the police. He could be arrested for wearing it*. I was winding him up, but he took me seriously and defended himself, claiming it was only a word, like Prick, and you couldn't be arrested for wearing a word like Prick on your shirt. I disagreed, saying that offensive language is an offence and that he should cover it over in the presence of the police. He nodded and said he already does that, but he shouldn't have to. It's not an offensive word. I argued back that a lot of women, including my wife, find it offensive. She would be most upset to see it written on a shirt. He went away to think about it at another table. Bob and Jonny both smiled wryly.
When the doors opened, the three of us chose seats near the door. The football shirt guy sat at the end of the stage platform. I noticed him approaching others, showing them his shirt, including two women, but I couldn't make out their responses.
Two guys sat on my left, and one of them had a persistent cough. I could smell menthol, but his sweet was having little effect, and he averaged about three guttural coughs a minute. Of all the seats in the room, I was typical that I ended up beside Patient Zero. The guy behind me contributed too, adding to the infection cloud around me. If I'm not ill by the end of the week, it'll be a miracle.
With his soundman introducing him, Dominick burst onto the stage, excited to be playing The Stand. He'd only been a comedian for a week, and already he was playing Glasgow's legendary comedy venue. His excitement continued because his mum was in the audience, along with his wife. He then noticed the platform, which he hadn't spotted earlier and came out to see us, his audience. Then he saw the shirt with the offensive word, one he couldn't repeat because his mum was present and would take offence. The man lapped up the attention, wanting to become involved in the show. Fortunately, Dominik shut that down sharply.
It was great to hear Dominik's cheeky voice again. I remember him fondly from his days on the breakfast show on XFM, before he relocated to Canada. He's still got the same edgy sense of humour, though this set was predominantly comedy songs about video games. I did take issue with the premise of a couple of them, however.
Frogger: He complained that frogs could swim, so shouldn't have died on the river sections of the game. Frogs prefer still water, like ponds, and tend not to be found in running-water habitats.
Space Invaders: the premise of HR leaving only one soldier on duty to fight off the aliens is flawed, because everyone knows the game gave three lives; therefore, three soldiers must have been available to fight them off.
Regardless of these fundamental flaws, I still enjoyed his set. He sings well and plays the guitar with the skill of a competent street busker. It was just a shame there wasn't a meet and greet afterwards.
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| Postcard and plectrum (no image) £5 |
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