Slapstick Festival: Saturday - 'Bristol' & 'Sylvester McCoy: WHO's Funny', Bristol Beacon. Sat 17th Feb, 2024

 

My second-ever trip to Bristol. The first visit was back in 2016 to attend the launch of the "To Hull and Back" anthology, which contained my first published story. As such, I wasn't entirely nervous about travelling alone. I was nervous about catching the EasyJet flight down, having realised I couldn't get the day off work, so had to leave work after 6pm for an 8.30 pm flight. Everyone assured me I would be fine, bored even, I'd have plenty of time. And they were right. I did somehow manage to trigger the metal detector going through security and was forced to take off my shoes and pull that awkward statue position in the scanner. I still don't know if it was my glasses or the forgotten Tepe brush in my shirt pocket that set it off. Anyway, a minor delay.

The bus from Bristol Airport was bumpy and so noisy I couldn't hear my music properly, even with the earbuds at full volume. Other than that, it was fine. As was my walk to the hotel in the dark. I'd stayed at the Premier Inn at Lewins Mead last time, so I knew where it was and what it looked like.  My room was on the top floor. It took me a while to realise the stop/start noise I could hear all night was the drone of the motor operating the lifts. 

Premier Inn, Lewins Mead

The view from my window

The room itself

Somewhere to recline

A fancy rain shower.

No intention of using this

Next day, after a standard buffet breakfast at the Brewer's Fayre attached to the hotel, I went for a wander around the city. The streets were remarkably familiar even though I'd only spent a day here last time. I knew the Forbidden Planet was closed due to a fire in the building above, but I still went for a wander in that direction, having already located the venue for Sylvester's event. Bristol isn't a clean city, with dirty walls, rusty staircases and graffiti everywhere. It is old, and it shows, with ancient buildings hidden amongst the newer ones. I found some interesting sights. 

Building art

Bristol Cathedral

The Almshouse

Street art

Bristol does have a vibrant arts scene with plenty of theatres, comedy venues and art spaces.  I decided the Wicked matinee at the Hippodrome was not worth my £60, plus booking fees, so instead, I spent the afternoon writing.

For dinner, I booked a table at The Colonnade, a posh restaurant next to the Bristol Beacon.  The reservation stated I must return the table by 6.30 pm. Upon arrival, I was greeted by a waiter and shown a table near the entrance. The place was empty, bar one other table of four seated near the window. My social inhibitions kicked in almost immediately, not helped by the waiter tricking me into buying a bottle of water for the table after I'd already ordered a Coke Zero. That annoyed me because, by the time my brain realised he wasn't talking about tap water, it was already too late. My bad. I should have listened better and not let my nerves take over.  A waitress later used the same line at another table, so I guess they are trained to upsell. 

My meal was fine, in the sense of it being fine dining, i.e. small portions lovingly presented and full of flavour. I relaxed later as more patrons arrived, their chatter making me feel less awkward. I decided then I would have a dessert and use up my entire time allocation, slowly imbibing every last drop of the extra drink I'd inadvertently purchased. I ignored the hovering waiters wanting me to leave by exchanging WhatsApp messages with my wife, describing my evening so far. The addition of an automatic 10% service charge was the final insult. 

I didn't think to snap my mains.

Well, not quite. After I paid, I asked the maître d' if there were toilets (I couldn't see any signs). He deadpanned 'No', so I deadpanned back, "I'll have to go here then." I didn't get as far as unzipping my fly before he chuckled and directed me towards the practically invisible gent's toilet door. 

Afterwards, I went next door to the Bristol Loaf Cafe, located within the Bristol Beacon, and had a pot of tea to kill time. More WhatsApp exchanges with my wife amused me further. After I'd finished the pot, and been to the toilet, I spotted Robin Ince, the standup who'd recorded a 'thank you' video to me after I donated to the Festival fundraiser during its Covid cancellation years. I didn't talk to him but I do get a buzz being in the vicinity of celebrities. (I also spotted Laura Kuenssberg at Glasgow Airport).

A great view, or so I thought.

My seat in the Lantern Hall was bang in the middle of row E. Great view, I thought. Then a giant of a man with a curly perm sat in front of me in row D. No longer could I see the chair stage left. I crossed my fingers that Sylvester would sit on the right. 

He didn't. 

Hellfire and buggeration, I spent most of the event watching Sylvester's contorted reflection on the side panel of the stage's grand piano. Whenever I leaned over to get a more direct view, the person behind me audibly huffed like a teenager, so I ended up listening to the interview rather than watching it. If I'd been bolder, I could have changed seats as there were empty ones beside me. But I didn't because I didn't want to upset anyone. Sylvester was highly entertaining, and the interview was excellent. I was able to watch the video clips on the screen and see Sylvester when he came down into the audience at the end for the Q&A, so it wasn't a total bust, which was a relief. 

Why didn't I swap to one of these?
Social anxiety

Speaking of which (forced segway), my bladder was not entirely happy with all that extra fluid I'd drunk earlier. The pain grew so bad, I considered abandoning the event. As soon as it finished, I rushed to the nearest loo. Of course, being first to the loo also meant being last to Sylvester's autograph session, so I didn't wait. The queue was so long and snaking, the fans each taking an age to chat to him, it wasn't worth my time.  

Of course, by then, the venue had no Slapstick Festival brochures left, and outside, the rain was pouring. 

My tale of woe didn't end there. My keycard allowing me access to the hotel lift (and floor and room) no longer worked so I had to get reception to restore it. And it took me an age to work out why the laptop couldn't access the photos on my phone (OneDrive needed to be told to sync data on a metered connection),

It's sad when you've spent an evening in the company of one of your childhood heroes, and the highlight of your night is still the text exchanges you shared with your wife. Let's hope tomorrow is better.

Ticket price £16. 

Ania Magliano: "I can't believe you've done this" The Stand, Glasgow. Thursday 15th February 2024

It's a gamble when you decide to buy tickets for an unfamiliar act purely because she sold out her entire Edinburgh Fringe run before you'd even finished browsing the listings. Obviously, I missed the memo about how good she is. 

Stupidly, I entered this gig into the wrong week of my calendar and then compounded the error further by arranging time off for that date. As such, I didn't have a great deal of time after work to get to the venue. It became a bit of a rush job. Fortunately, everyone else was in the same state of mind so I fitted right in. One incident turned my stomach, though. Stuck in traffic on Byres Road, the white Range Rover in front of me decided to speed off down a side street, only to be stopped by a cyclist crossing the road. The altercation that followed resulted in the car driver trying to reverse back over the cyclist in revenge for the cyclist striking his car. Sickening (and stupid - he'd have damage to the front and back of his car).

I found a space on Woodlands Road, parking perfectly for once, only to notice I was on double yellow lines. They stopped in the space behind me. Sitting in that space was a car with its headlights on, the engine running, and two people in the front. I delayed my exit, hoping they'd move. But they just sat there, chatting and flicking through their phones, so eventually, I gave up and found somewhere else. The time I'd wasted sent my brain into stress mode, fearing we'd end up at the end of a long queue and not get a seat inside.

We were second in the queue. 

Fortunately, my wife puts up with my insane quirks.

She decided against sitting in my usual spot, preferring to sit at a table where she could rest her wine glass. So we sat in the raised area behind my usual spot.

There's a man in my chair?
(I no longer care - see later)

The venue filled up fast. If it wasn't a sellout, it was close. I'll admit to taking a modicum of pleasure in watching latecomers (i.e. anyone not there for doors open) struggling to find a seat, searching in vain, then standing somewhere they shouldn't and being asked to move by the staff. The gentleman in front of us, who sat in my usual spot, had an empty space beside him, big enough for one. An older couple, arriving late, wanted to sit together and decided to ask the people near him to bunch down so they could both fit in the space. The dungaree-clad girl relented but fumed to her date about having her angle of view narrowed. It was priceless. Even then, the interlopers couldn't sit properly with insufficient space for both of them, the man having to sit forward on the edge of the bench. I was so glad we hadn't sat there. 

As such, I now have a new best seat. 

I couldn't make out the name of the support act, but he was a thirty-two-year-old English comic who sold us his status as a low self-esteem chap whose first-ever girlfriend dumped him, leaving him bereft of house contents as she took everything she bought with her. I warmed to him despite his loser status. He finished on a bit about how his new girlfriend, also a stand-up, asked him for a "hall pass", having been asked by Dan from Bastille if she'd like to go for a drink. 

He never revealed what happened.

After a short interval, Ania came on to deliver her show and I'll admit I was not expecting to be so entertained by someone so young. The quality of her writing is outstanding. Her delivery reminded me of a GenZ Josie Long, only with less interest in social commentary and more on the joys of gossip, relationships and being bisexual. She's a product of her time. The various threads about her life (her reaction to her bad haircut, her taking up boxing, her therapy, her love life, her breast reduction) all weaved together to finish on a sucker punch that I didn't see coming despite the bomb she lobbed in halfway through her set. The journey she shared was well worth travelling. 

A great first gig of the year.

Later research revealed that this show was named by The Times in their Top 4 Comedy Shows of  2023. I also discovered Ania was previously a member of the Cambridge Footlights. I didn't find out, however, how she got on with Dan from Bastille. Perhaps that will be revealed in her Edinburgh show later this year.

Ticket Price £14 plus booking fee.

Tour blurb:

To the hairdresser at [redacted] Salon: You can take my money. You can take my dignity. You can take too much off the ends. But you cannot take my right to talk about it on stage.

This is a show about the worst haircut of Ania Magliano's life.

Ania's critically acclaimed 2022 debut run sold out at Edinburgh, Soho Theatre and Leicester Square Theatre.

She's supported Marc Maron, Cat Cohen and Ed Gamble on tour, and writes for Amelia Dimoldenberg's Chicken Shop Date. 

GUN, Hombres Tour, Glasgow Barrowlands. Saturday 9th December, 2023

I felt conflicted as I left the house tonight. There was a time when it would have been inconceivable for me to go out while Dr Who aired, more so for a regeneration episode. I'd always insist on watching the programme live. Tonight, though, I had GUN, probably my favourite band, certainly the one I've seen live most often. I couldn't watch the gig on catch-up, so should I go after the episode and skip the support act?

Nah. It was a Saturday night in December in Glasgow. The place would be heaving. No way could I delay my trip into town for fear I'd not find a parking space near the Barrowlands. Plus, it was cold and wet, and I wanted to get my money's worth.  

The motorway traffic was slow. On the way in, I played The Calton Songs, an album of GUN's greatest hits reimagined for 2022, one I'd dismissed at the time as a rehash cash-in. I'd never given it a proper listen. I realised that Dante has now been the lead vocalist longer than the original singer, Mark Rankin. Why shouldn't he rerecord the old songs, putting his stamp on them? Listening in the car, I felt a new appreciation for them. It was a great way to set myself up for the gig.

I got a great parking spot close by and headed to the venue. I then realised that I wasn't going to get through this gig without visiting the loo for a number two. The bouncer must have read the discomfort on my face cos he waved me on without a frisk. First time ever at the Barrowlands. Normally, the bouncers are so rigorous they can tell me if I need a prostate exam. My ticket scanned, I headed upstairs, pausing only to glance at the merch before making for the toilets. 

What a relief! I overcompensated with the flush, holding the button in longer than I needed, the white flash in the swirling turmoil actually being the light reflected off the steel pan rather than unflushed toilet paper. 

Now I was ready to rock. (I didn't have this thought at the time)

The support act, The Godfathers, were really good. Playing catchy punk rock, their songs had easy-to-sing choruses and bouncy riffs. The lead singer, dressed in a black shirt and suit, had the surly demeanour of a stand-up comedian more likely to be peddling mother-in-law jokes in a grimy 70s comedy club than singing punk anthems at the Barrowlands. His voice was a low growl, his accent London East End. His attitude matched the music. I later discovered the band had been going since the eighties, bar a brief hiatus in the noughties, although this iteration only contained the original singer. Their greatest hits album sounded quite different to what I heard tonight, the singer's voice now far deeper and snarly.

Birth, School, Work, Death video (Link on YouTube)

My next surprise came when GUN took the stage, bringing with them two backing singers, their microphones set up at the back right of the stage. The Calton Songs album utilised Beverley Skeete and the Sisterhood to give some of the tracks a gospel feel. Were we getting a new version of GUN tonight?

No is the short answer. The girls barely played a part, adding background vocals to some songs but never playing a major role in proceedings. Shame. Something to develop in the future, though.

The gig was being videoed (not just on punters' phones), so it was great to see the band in top form. The Barrowlands is their spiritual home, and the atmosphere is always great when they perform there. They played a few new numbers from the forthcoming album, Hombres, and I'm pleased to say they are crackers (one was specifically filmed tonight for the single's video). 

Don't Say It's Over video (Link on YouTube)

   

Shame On You video (Link on YouTube)

I loved this gig, and, by the end, I was bouncing about like my knees weren't arthritic. One autistic young lad enjoyed himself too. Dressed in a US college jacket and baseball cap, he started maybe a dozen yards away from me and slowly migrated closer as the night progressed. Although he was with his mum and dad, I suspected he was going to be trouble, the way he clapped loudly and danced during the pre-gig music, at times unable to contain his excitement, other times perfectly still, his hands balled up under his nose, fingers pressed against his lips. When he danced, it was wild, arms swinging, rocking from side to side, like he was doing a 50s jive. His mum would occasionally rein him in when he started to interact with unwilling punters, using her arm like a crook to pull him closer. At one point, I had to lean back like a boxer to avoid his swing, his hand sweeping across where my face had been. I stayed wary, but his unfiltered exuberance was enthralling. He had a smashing time, and it was great to see the young uns coming along to support an old band.  

GUN's time is definitely not over. It was an exceptionally good gig.

Ticket Price: £36.10 (Face Value £29.50) via Ticketmaster.

Setlist

Lucky Guy

She Knows

Here's Where I Am

Don't Say It's Over

Backstreet Brothers

Falling

Word Up! (Cameo cover)

Long Road

Take me back home

Money (Everybody Loves Her)

All Fired Up

Better Days

Inside Out

Steal Your Fire

Encore

Taking on the World

Higher Ground

Shame on You

The Godfathers

GUN

 

Craig Campbell, Scottish Tour 2023. Barga Bar, Paisley. Sunday 3rd December 2023

What a carry on! 

First, I saw a message from RocknRollas today saying they would be closed and to expect a refund from the ticketing site.

Then I got an email from the promoters saying the venue had been changed to Barga Bar Paisley.  

We turned up at Barga at 7 pm as requested. No one from the promotion team was there to check our ticket status. The bar staff confirmed there was going to be a comedy show, but that's all they knew. It had been hastily arranged that morning as a favour. 

A man who introduced himself as Robin Zetina, the support act for tonight's show, later asked if we were there for the gig and explained what was going to happen. Craig would arrive about 7.45 pm, and the show would begin at 8 pm. They were going to set up in a corner. There wouldn't be any microphones, but they would do their best to make it intimate.

We had a drink while we waited. I didn't recognise Parrot seated with his daughter at a nearby table, only clocking him after Craig arrived and greeted him using his name. It turned out Parrot was going to act as the impromptu compere for the evening.

At five to eight, we were asked to take our seats. There were ten of us, including Parrot's daughter. The staff turned off the TV screen that had been showing American Football but left on the noisy air extractor in the ceiling above us. The bar's kitchen was still open, so it needed to remain on.

Parrot had to shout to be heard. The last time I'd seen him perform was at the Bungalow, and tonight, he did some of the same material. He noticed my reaction to one joke (how could he not? There were only ten of us) and asked me about it. I explained that he'd told that joke over the road at the Bungalow. It threw him and he made a  big deal about how I'd wrecked his brain, expecting him to come up with new stuff when he couldn't even remember his old stuff. He made it funny, and the audience laughed at his bluster. I thought I was going to get picked on but it wasn't that kind of show. (He chatted to me in the interval, and we discussed his show recording at the Old Anatheum, which was never released by Sony).    

The first act was Sean Chalmers (www.instagram.com/seanchalmers2133). A Scottish comedian, he did well and could be heard over the extractor fan. He did a short and funny set. 

Sean Chalmers

Then on came Robin Zetina (

@RobinZComedy

). He suffered due to the background noise as his style was softly spoken and precise. I recognised a heavy influence from American comedian, Anthony Jeselnik, in his delivery and material, which is no bad thing. I'd like to see how his style matures. One to watch.

Robin Zetina

The comedians managed to persuade the bar staff to turn off the extractor fan after the interval, ironically in time for Craig, who doesn't require a microphone.  He gave us a wonderful set, so effusive, animated and funny, relating many comic tales. Such a large personality, he created a buzz in the room that felt comfortable and warm, despite it being freezing. Everyone had a great time.

Afterwards, he thanked everyone personally for coming out to see him. I even overcame my shyness and asked him for a photograph (not with me in it, obviously).

A lovely memento of a funny night that nearly never happened. One I'll always remember.

Jools Holland Autumn Tour 2023, SEC Armadillo. Saturday 2nd December 2023

 

When they announced this gig, I asked my wife if she fancied going and, to my surprise, she said yes (I should have known because she loves a good piano player). so, I ordered the tickets.

I then listened to a few of Jools' albums, and they didn't grab me. I figured maybe, though, with the whole band live in front of me, I'd get into the vibe.

A couple of inches of snow had fallen, enough to prevent the bin men from emptying our bins, but not enough to prevent the grey brigade from coming out in droves for tonight's gig. The men were mostly bald or grey; the women, well, they had whichever hair colour the hairstylist added. Everyone was well-behaved. Our seats were in the Front section of the Grand Circle. No one stood, at least initially; a few getting to their feet towards the end. Everyone followed the etiquette of 'no cameras' until about halfway through when one man in the front row flicked his open to video proceedings. Then most of the women near me brought out theirs and began recording random snippets in portrait, sending them on via WhatsApp. My view was partially obscured by one tall gentleman sitting in front of me. Not enough to annoy me but enough to know any pictures I took would miss out on the saxophonists at the front on the right, so my camera stayed in my pocket (except for one shot at the end). I endeavoured to enjoy this gig in the moment.

And failed.

It wasn't that it was bad. It wasn't. The band performed to an exceptional level. I admired their talents, especially Jools, whose piano skills appeared so effortless. He came across exactly as he does on 'The Tube' or 'Later with...', a charismatic music man with a smile and a quip and a love of all forms of music. Each musician got their turn at the front, showing off their skills. It was a bit weird at first, watching them shuffle out to the front from their position, adjusting the mic stand for their instrument, then tootle away for a few bars before giving a nod, salute or bow, returning to their spot again. The backing singers each got their time in the spotlight, front and centre, singing a couple of tunes. 

Mid-set, special guests, Pauline Black and Arthur 'Gaps' Hendrickson (of The Selecter) performed three of their songs with the band, turning the vibe from boogie-woogie to two-tone before Ruby Turner came on the blow us away with her powerful Gospel-tinged vocals. 

I was familiar with a couple of the songs played tonight, my favourite being "Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think), the song Simon Mayo often plays on his radio show.

My wife thoroughly enjoyed the gig, commenting afterwards about how long Jools Holland's fingers were. To me, it looked like he was splaying his fingers, hitting random keys, yet somehow generating brilliant piano music in whatever style the song required. It was cool how they used the big screen to show his fingerwork, and his face while he was singing. He's an excellent host: quirky, convivial and funny. I'm sure everyone loved the night. It just wasn't for me. 

I should have stayed at home and watched Doctor Who.

Ticket Price: Total £109.90 for two (£46 face value) via Ticketmaster.

Setlist (incomplete)

 Ain't Misbehavin' (Fats Waller cover)

Them There Eyes (Billie Holiday cover)

Waterloo Bridge

Just a Whisper (The Selecter cover)

Too Much Pressure (The Selecter cover)

On My Radio (The Selecter cover)

Blueberry Hill (Fats Domino cover)

The Piano

Peace in the Valley

Encore:

Enjoy Yourself (It's Later Than You Think) (Tommy Dorsey and His Orchestra cover)

Well Alright 

The Band

Jools Holland (Piano/Guitar)

Ruby Turner (Vocals)

Louise Marshall (Vocals)

Sumudu Jayatilaka (Vocals)

Gilson Lavis (Drums/Percussion)

Mark Flanagan (Guitar)

Dave Swift (Bass)

Christopher Holland (Organ/Piano)

Phil Veacock (Saxophone)

Michael 'Bammi' Rose (Saxophone)

Derek Nash (Saxophone)

Anna Brooks (Saxophone)

Nick Lunt (Baritone Saxophone)

Roger Goslyn (Trombone)

Fayyaz Virji (Trombone)

Winston Rollins (Trombone)

Jason McDermid (Trumpet)

Jon Scott (Trumpet)

Chris Storr (Trumpet)

Blurb:

Jools Holland and his revered Rhythm & Blues Orchestra return with their 2023 autumn tour.

Renowned as one of the UK's most popular tours, this year the show will feature The Selecter's Pauline Black and Arthur 'Gaps' Hendrickson as special guests. With support from Galia Arad.

Fans will be thrilled to hear that the shows will once again feature the outstanding vocals of Ruby Turner and Louise Marshall, as well as the highly talented Sumudu Jayatilaka, who joined Jools for the first time in 2022. Together with the inimitable musicianship of the Rhythm & Blues Orchestra, which features drums from original Squeeze member Gilson Lavis, Jools Holland will be performing tracks spanning his entire solo career. With a catalogue that reaches through decades, prepare to enjoy the greatest boogie-woogie party in town!

Before

The end