This show was on my list to see at last year's Edinburgh Fringe, but I somehow didn't get around to it. So, when this performance was announced as part of the GICF, I immediately purchased two tickets, snagging front-row Grand Circle seats. Brilliant!
Then I noticed the date. This was the same night Elaine C Smith was playing the King's. Surely they couldn't have double-booked the theatre. There must be some mistake. Ah, yes, mine. Her show starts at eight o'clock, this one at six. I'm working till six. Bugger, bugger, bugger, bollocks.
Fortunately, I was able to swap my holidays around to get the day off. Phew!
On the week of the show, two things happened. My wife caught Covid (contrary to Tory propaganda, it hasn't gone away). And I hurt my back, giving me the kind of intense spasms that make me look like an old man being electrocuted whenever my pain relief wears off.
I hoped my wife would recover, and, indeed, she tested negative on the day, but she couldn't go, still too washed out to attend, so I went on my own. If nothing else, I could use the spare legroom for stretching if my back tightened. I promised her I'd bring home a Chinese takeaway afterwards, given my cooking skills would only give her food poisoning on top of her lingering covid symptoms.
I drove into Glasgow listening to Radiohead's OK Computer (OKNOTOK 1997, 2017 edition), an album by a band my wife detests. Their song, Karma Police, was in my head, having just watched episode three of the 3 Body Problem.
I planned to pay to park on the street for an hour or so until parking became free at 6 p.m. Then I saw the charge: £1.40 for fifteen minutes? Hell, no. It was cheaper than a multi-storey, but still way too expensive.
Then it occurred to me that parking charges are really just a form of insurance. You pay to protect yourself from the risk of a possible parking ticket. I weighed up the chances of a warden appearing at that time of night, then sat in the car for another fifteen minutes, listening to more of the album before heading to the venue, keeping an eye out for parking attendants. The way I was hobbling, having sat in the car for that little bit longer, I could have probably convinced them I'd forgotten my non-existent blue disabled badge.
My colleagues may be surprised to learn you CAN enjoy the theatre with a bad back.
The music playing prior to the show was quite catchy: Manic Street Preachers as I arrived, then Catatonia next. I figured Kieran for a fan of 90s pop music. This was followed by Tom Jones with Stereophonics and Charlotte Church, and I noticed a theme emerging. Shirley Bassey came next, finishing with Bonnie Tyler's Holding Out For A Hero. This show was "Big In Scotland", right? Not "Big In Wales"?
Dressed in the red tartan jacket from the promotional material, Kieran bounded onto the stage and regaled us with the theme of the show, explaining that he was now, in fact, Scottish despite being born in Yorkshire and previously living in London. Quickly, I realised this wasn't stand-up. This was theatre but with jokes. Essentially an extended monologue, I sensed even the asides to the audience were rehearsed.
We learned what he was like before he got the part of Gordon in Two Doors Down (or Next Door But One, as one character refers to it) and how he felt he needed to change, having let down a close friend with an inappropriate best-man speech. He then escorted us on his journey to becoming a better person, to becoming Scottish. It was slick, beautifully performed and very funny. It had the important through-line that ex-PM Gordon Brown expected, tied up all the narrative threads, completed his character arc and even finished with a punchline that explained the music playing before the show. This show definitely deserved its 2023 Edinburgh Award nomination.
Even better, I didn't get a parking ticket. That's £4.20 saved towards a future fine.
Ticket Price: £20.50 plus transaction fees (£3.95) from ATG.
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